Holiday Oneshots
by Freelancer Mississippi
Summary: Various holiday oneshots. Oneshot 1: It's Christmas eve, and Church has a story to tell...


Time for toys…..time for cheer!

** This is going to be kinda interesting…..as I wrote it while watching old Rescue Hero cartoons. Here is my latest 'Masterpiece':**

_'Christmas, Christmas time is here! Time for toys and time for cheer!' _Caboose's Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas album was on repeat for the millionth time. It was driving Church insane. As in, META INSANE. He was surprised nobody had noticed his maniacal facial expression and checked him into a psychiatric hospital. But nobody had noticed, not even Caboose, as he cooked Christmas Eve Dinner.

It was strange how many things Caboose broke outside of Kitchen and Dining Room. However, he never broke anything inside the kitchen. It was as if he somehow became a mega genius. He could rattle off his ingredients and the amounts like the man who runs an auction. He was currently slicing ham like there was no tomorrow. His hands worked at lightning speed as he drizzled honey and a bit of spice over the ham. Church was fascinated by the scene, but the music was going to cause a riot if he had to listen to it one more time.

"Caboose," Church snapped, "Can we turn the music off?"

"Okay," he said, changing the CD. Apparently he loved Christmas Carols NOT sung be real people, because he put on The Muppets Christmas with John Denver. It was driving Church less insane, but with the way Caboose operated, it would drive him crazy soon. He left Caboose to his fudge-making and started walking to his room.

Tucker came out of his room as Church walked past. "Don't go down there," Church warned Tucker as he proceeded down the stairs. "He's playing The Muppets." Tucker shuddered a stepped back inside of his room, reluctant to go downstairs.

Church walked into his own room. He stayed to relax and read while he waited for the reds to be over. He picked up the book _"To Kill a Mockingbird"_. He had barely finished page 1 before he heard commotion downstairs. Sounded like the reds were early. He heard Donuts whiny voice say, "Now where can put this sweet potato casserole?"

_'Where on Earth did he get sweet potatoes in this god-forsaken canyon?' _Church pondered, as he trotted down the stairs. When he got to the kitchen where the reds were, he almost burst into tears laughing. "What happened?" he managed to gasp through his laughing fit.

"Donut happened," Grif moaned. He was wearing a garish red sweater with gold tinsel glued to it. He also looked as if he had just dragged out of bed. Simmons wore a maroon T-Shirt that had a picture of a wreath on it. The thing was that the wreath was PINK. Donut was wearing what you would expect: a pink shirt and sweatpants. But Sarge was the funniest. He wore a gaudy red sweater and jeans. Her wore a Santa hat, a Santa coat, white fur at the cuffs and everything. He had slung a bag of gifts over his shoulder. Sarge noticed Church staring.

"Don't ask," Sarge muttered.

"Don't tell," said Donut joyfully.

"BOW-CHIKA-BOW-WOW!" yelled Tucker from his room.

"Shut up!" screamed Wash, who was coming in from a patrol. When the first words you hear when you walk in are 'Bow-chika-bow-wow' you should be pretty annoyed.

"WHY ARE WE ALL YELLING?" shouted Caboose. The yelling match continued for about 5 minutes, before Sarge raised his shotgun in the air and blew a shell.

"QUIET!" he roared. "Thank command you shut up. It was going to drive me crazy. Now when's dinner?"

"As soon as I finish cooking this pie," Donut said cheerfully. The oven timer soon went off and they all gathered around the table. Sarge sat at the head of the table, next to Simmons and Grif, only because Grif wasn't a 'dirty blue'.

"Sarge, will you say grace?" Doc asked.

"Why of course," Sarge said before proceeding: "Heavenly, father, bless this food to provide nourishment to the bodies of the red team aside from Grif, and fill the blue's and Grif's food with poison. So amen, and P.S.: Thanks for bringing all of us together."

"That was an awkward blessing. Kind of like when your girlfriend comes to you and says she's pregnant," Tucker said. All of them laughed at that and dug in. Church glanced around the table. Caboose was conversing with Donut about his grandmother's favorite hair pie; apparently it was very popular with soldiers. Simmons was talking to Sarge, no doubt kissing up. Grif was talking about something to Tucker. Church took a good long look at the scene. Sometimes he wished this was eternal.

Sometimes.

But then he would miss the thrill of shooting (or trying to shoot!) the enemy, or the occasional grenade explosion. They live in a strange world. But sometimes they gathered.

This was the spirit of Christmas.

** Merry Christmas! Next: Christmas morning!**

** Sarge: Please R&R!**

** Wash, and may it be the best Christmas ever…of all time.**


End file.
